Fall Equinox

I just had my most recent IV treatment on Monday - the 6th since spring - which I have every 3 weeks. Will, again, have a CT scan, in early October to see if the cancer will continue to respond to the drug. Cancer is a wiley Beast! You'd think I'd "get used" to this routine. But, frankly, unless you are emotionally & mentally numb, it's really impossible to do that.

In this blog, I mentioned my older friend, Merrie, awhile ago. We met in the waiting room (back in March) at the Cancer Center and became friends. Merrie lost her battle with lung cancer a week ago. Yesterday, I went to her funeral. I saw her husband when I came through the door. He gave me a big bear hug. We simply couldn't speak because we were both so overcome. He finally said, "Thank you --- for being Merrie's friend to the end." I met her two daughters - both of whom knew who I was, though I'd never met either one. I will truly miss my friend. It was a blessing to be able to talk to someone who knew exactly what this journey is like.

The hardest part of all (which I did not see coming) was when I left and walked back out to the car; I fell apart. I was filled with such physical waves of fear and terror, I could not catch my breath. I think losing Merrie made me realize, in a very real & true way, for the very first time, what cancer means for my future, and I was overcome with it. I sat out in the car and cried really HARD for 15 or 20 minutes. It's a good thing I was parked on a quiet street and had the windows up on the car because I have no doubt I sounded like a complete banshee!! Had to sit there for quite awhile because the output of so much emotion so quickly absolutely exhausted me. I'm sure I look like a Siamese cat today because my eyes are so puffy. I know that Merrie is in such a wonderfully better place and no longer in pain. I have never (EVER!!) been good at saying goodbyes.

I have also told you about the problems with my right knee these past 2 years - having fallen several times and making a bad situation worse. I'm sick of having knee pain SO, am having laprascopic (spelling??) surgery on Oct 4th to (hopefully) fix the problem. Will let you all know how THAT goes! Even if it only improves 20%, it will be an improvement. I want to get out and enjoy the fall by walking in the neighborhood, and I have not been able to do that.

God has been so incredibly good to me - I could not ask for more supportive, loving friends - such a blessing!!! I don't want you to think I'm sitting around like Eyore --- I'm not!!! I have my bad days, but mostly, I'm OK. More soon -- love me