I am SO overdue to give you an update on what's been happening with me. There have been too many days I am simply overwhelmed. I have full intentions of updating this blog, then sit in front of the screen and my mind goes completely blank. Focus & concentration & short term memory loss continue to be an issue for me. I'm learning to cope but, believe me, it is NOT easy. Maybe if I'd been born a "B-type".....!!
I'm up very early this morning - on a steroid "high" (yuck!) and couldn't sleep. Had a chemo treatment yesterday, so this will be a difficult week, as it usually is following a drug session. My CT scan was, once again, good news: the tumors have shrunk a little bit more. The CT scan results was not as dramatic as the one from 3 months ago, when the tumors had shrunk by 50%. But shrinking is far, far better than growing!!
To tell you the truth, I thought the earlier CT scan was a fluke. So, while Gordy was flying really high on happiness, I was more reserved and, frankly, almost disbelieving. But after receiving the most recent CT results, I knew it wasn't a fluke and am really pleased!! Go figure, huh??!!
I've mentioned, in past posts, that I'd had balance issues and had fallen (hard) three times over the past year & a half. My right knee was pretty bad and I was almost always in pain. I had to be aware 100% of the time where I was putting my feet. Everyone has their own "Enough is Enough" point, and I hit mine right after Labor Day. Went in to the surgeon, had an MRI on the knee and scheduled arthroscopic same-day surgery. I'm now 5 weeks out on having had the surgery and BOY! am I glad I did it. He sez it takes 3 months to heal completely, but at least I'm not hurting like before. GETTING OLD IS NOT FOR SISSIES!!!
I've finally accepted the fact that I will never, ever, be the way I was two years ago before I was diagnosed. My "new normal" is alot of ups & downs. So, I may have 4 or 5 really good days, then 1 to 3 days when I'm so fatigued, i can't do much. I go to the Minneapolis VA hospital on Thursday mornings from 8 to noon and volunteer in the Oncology clinic. I absolutely LOVE it, and have met some wonderful people there. It inspires me, as well as makes me know how lucky I am that my lung cancer was detected earlier than most. I wish I had more energy to volunteer more than once a week though. Maybe next year....
I want you to know how very, VERY much it's meant to me to receive your cards, Email messages and phonecalls. This whole experience can be very isolating and my world has definitely shrunk. You've been wonderful at letting me know I'm not forgotten, and I thank you!!!
Of course you've all heard of Steve Jobs' (Apple) passing recently. Did you know what his last words were? In her eulogy, his sister said his last words were: "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow". This further convinces me that there is a God & that there is a far better place ahead. It brought tears to my eyes and joy & comfort to my heart, which I hope it will for you too. In the meantime: I AM STILL HERE!!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Fall Equinox
I just had my most recent IV treatment on Monday - the 6th since spring - which I have every 3 weeks. Will, again, have a CT scan, in early October to see if the cancer will continue to respond to the drug. Cancer is a wiley Beast! You'd think I'd "get used" to this routine. But, frankly, unless you are emotionally & mentally numb, it's really impossible to do that.
In this blog, I mentioned my older friend, Merrie, awhile ago. We met in the waiting room (back in March) at the Cancer Center and became friends. Merrie lost her battle with lung cancer a week ago. Yesterday, I went to her funeral. I saw her husband when I came through the door. He gave me a big bear hug. We simply couldn't speak because we were both so overcome. He finally said, "Thank you --- for being Merrie's friend to the end." I met her two daughters - both of whom knew who I was, though I'd never met either one. I will truly miss my friend. It was a blessing to be able to talk to someone who knew exactly what this journey is like.
The hardest part of all (which I did not see coming) was when I left and walked back out to the car; I fell apart. I was filled with such physical waves of fear and terror, I could not catch my breath. I think losing Merrie made me realize, in a very real & true way, for the very first time, what cancer means for my future, and I was overcome with it. I sat out in the car and cried really HARD for 15 or 20 minutes. It's a good thing I was parked on a quiet street and had the windows up on the car because I have no doubt I sounded like a complete banshee!! Had to sit there for quite awhile because the output of so much emotion so quickly absolutely exhausted me. I'm sure I look like a Siamese cat today because my eyes are so puffy. I know that Merrie is in such a wonderfully better place and no longer in pain. I have never (EVER!!) been good at saying goodbyes.
I have also told you about the problems with my right knee these past 2 years - having fallen several times and making a bad situation worse. I'm sick of having knee pain SO, am having laprascopic (spelling??) surgery on Oct 4th to (hopefully) fix the problem. Will let you all know how THAT goes! Even if it only improves 20%, it will be an improvement. I want to get out and enjoy the fall by walking in the neighborhood, and I have not been able to do that.
God has been so incredibly good to me - I could not ask for more supportive, loving friends - such a blessing!!! I don't want you to think I'm sitting around like Eyore --- I'm not!!! I have my bad days, but mostly, I'm OK. More soon -- love me
In this blog, I mentioned my older friend, Merrie, awhile ago. We met in the waiting room (back in March) at the Cancer Center and became friends. Merrie lost her battle with lung cancer a week ago. Yesterday, I went to her funeral. I saw her husband when I came through the door. He gave me a big bear hug. We simply couldn't speak because we were both so overcome. He finally said, "Thank you --- for being Merrie's friend to the end." I met her two daughters - both of whom knew who I was, though I'd never met either one. I will truly miss my friend. It was a blessing to be able to talk to someone who knew exactly what this journey is like.
The hardest part of all (which I did not see coming) was when I left and walked back out to the car; I fell apart. I was filled with such physical waves of fear and terror, I could not catch my breath. I think losing Merrie made me realize, in a very real & true way, for the very first time, what cancer means for my future, and I was overcome with it. I sat out in the car and cried really HARD for 15 or 20 minutes. It's a good thing I was parked on a quiet street and had the windows up on the car because I have no doubt I sounded like a complete banshee!! Had to sit there for quite awhile because the output of so much emotion so quickly absolutely exhausted me. I'm sure I look like a Siamese cat today because my eyes are so puffy. I know that Merrie is in such a wonderfully better place and no longer in pain. I have never (EVER!!) been good at saying goodbyes.
I have also told you about the problems with my right knee these past 2 years - having fallen several times and making a bad situation worse. I'm sick of having knee pain SO, am having laprascopic (spelling??) surgery on Oct 4th to (hopefully) fix the problem. Will let you all know how THAT goes! Even if it only improves 20%, it will be an improvement. I want to get out and enjoy the fall by walking in the neighborhood, and I have not been able to do that.
God has been so incredibly good to me - I could not ask for more supportive, loving friends - such a blessing!!! I don't want you to think I'm sitting around like Eyore --- I'm not!!! I have my bad days, but mostly, I'm OK. More soon -- love me
Monday, August 8, 2011
August 9, 2011
Had a CT scan last Wednesday to see how the cancer has responded to the three IV treatments of Alimpta over the past 10+ weeks. Had another chemo treatment today (the first of three done every 3 weeks). Also met with my Oncologist today for the CT results. We would have been absolutely thrilled if the Doc told us the tumors had stayed the same size. But the news was even better than that. The tumors have shrunk by half – yes, half! 1.5 cm to 7 mm, 1.2 cm to 6 mm and 1 cm to 5 mm. Another nodule has stayed the same (9mm) and may not be cancerous at all. In addition, no new cancer growth has appeared elsewhere. Gordy & I were so blown away, we were both crying!! I'm still reeling from this news, which makes me cry every time I think of it.
Mind you, the side effects from this drug remain a royal pain. There are many, unfortunately. But fatigue is the worst and I have to deal with that on a daily basis. “Chemo brain” has worsened. (My “rememberer” is broken and my “forgetter” is in control!!) Shortness of breath, mouth sores that come & go, throat hoarseness, and on & on. You get the idea. In view of the results today, I will cope!
I am so happy to be able to tell you this news!! Although this has been difficult – the uncertainty, side effects, etc, I will not give in to “the Beast”. So the battle continues!!love - me
Had a CT scan last Wednesday to see how the cancer has responded to the three IV treatments of Alimpta over the past 10+ weeks. Had another chemo treatment today (the first of three done every 3 weeks). Also met with my Oncologist today for the CT results. We would have been absolutely thrilled if the Doc told us the tumors had stayed the same size. But the news was even better than that. The tumors have shrunk by half – yes, half! 1.5 cm to 7 mm, 1.2 cm to 6 mm and 1 cm to 5 mm. Another nodule has stayed the same (9mm) and may not be cancerous at all. In addition, no new cancer growth has appeared elsewhere. Gordy & I were so blown away, we were both crying!! I'm still reeling from this news, which makes me cry every time I think of it.
Mind you, the side effects from this drug remain a royal pain. There are many, unfortunately. But fatigue is the worst and I have to deal with that on a daily basis. “Chemo brain” has worsened. (My “rememberer” is broken and my “forgetter” is in control!!) Shortness of breath, mouth sores that come & go, throat hoarseness, and on & on. You get the idea. In view of the results today, I will cope!
I am so happy to be able to tell you this news!! Although this has been difficult – the uncertainty, side effects, etc, I will not give in to “the Beast”. So the battle continues!!love - me
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
July 2011
Hi all! Time for another update. Am going for my 3rd IV treatment this morning. Started the steroid tablets on Sunday so I can tolerate the chemo treatment. This means I won't be getting much sleep over the next week (zoom-zoom!) and my hot flashes will increase (ho-boy, are they fun!)! But this, too, shall pass.
How foolish of me to have thought I would have few or even no side effects from my new chemo therapy treatments! Yet, that's exactly what I thought after the 1st treatment when I had just a little bit of fatigue and some back pain. Should have known better (from last year's chemo treatments) that it takes awhile for the drug to build up in my system.
Sure enough, after the 2nd treatment, those "lovely" (!) side effects started kicking in. More fatigue (I can get tired out just standing at the sink washing dishes!!), dry mouth, red, dry eyes, sore throat, etc, etc,. Nothing I can't handle. Afterall, what's the point in dwelling on it? It only makes it worse and can't change a darned thing. So, I take short rests throughout the day and push through it. Sure wish I were a "nap" kind of person, but I'm not, darn it! Ah, but I won't lose my hair with this drug - small blessings!!!
I befriended an older woman (Mary) who I met in the waiting room at the cancer center in April. She also has lung cancer and there's nothing more that can be done for her. I talk to her everyday and go over to see her several times a week. I'm so grateful to be able to be there for her to listen to her concerns, her feelings, her fears, because, you see, I have the same ones. The friendship is good for both of us. I'm also going to be doing some volunteering at the Minneapolis VA hospital (just a mile from our house). I can sit and listen & talk to veterans who are going through this experience. So satisfying for me to do! And I love those veterans! In my next life, I'm going to be a registered nurse. I am SUCH a caregiver at heart!
You know me - I won't give in to this. Nope, not going to happen! I will keep on truckin'!!! I am still here! love - me
How foolish of me to have thought I would have few or even no side effects from my new chemo therapy treatments! Yet, that's exactly what I thought after the 1st treatment when I had just a little bit of fatigue and some back pain. Should have known better (from last year's chemo treatments) that it takes awhile for the drug to build up in my system.
Sure enough, after the 2nd treatment, those "lovely" (!) side effects started kicking in. More fatigue (I can get tired out just standing at the sink washing dishes!!), dry mouth, red, dry eyes, sore throat, etc, etc,. Nothing I can't handle. Afterall, what's the point in dwelling on it? It only makes it worse and can't change a darned thing. So, I take short rests throughout the day and push through it. Sure wish I were a "nap" kind of person, but I'm not, darn it! Ah, but I won't lose my hair with this drug - small blessings!!!
I befriended an older woman (Mary) who I met in the waiting room at the cancer center in April. She also has lung cancer and there's nothing more that can be done for her. I talk to her everyday and go over to see her several times a week. I'm so grateful to be able to be there for her to listen to her concerns, her feelings, her fears, because, you see, I have the same ones. The friendship is good for both of us. I'm also going to be doing some volunteering at the Minneapolis VA hospital (just a mile from our house). I can sit and listen & talk to veterans who are going through this experience. So satisfying for me to do! And I love those veterans! In my next life, I'm going to be a registered nurse. I am SUCH a caregiver at heart!
You know me - I won't give in to this. Nope, not going to happen! I will keep on truckin'!!! I am still here! love - me
Monday, May 23, 2011
We met with the Oncologist today.
The cancer metastasized (via the bloodstream) from my right lung to my lower left lung lobe, which, of course, we already knew. I have a small cancer nodule in a lymph node just above & behind my right clavicle (shoulder). Unfortunately, the fact that the cancer has metastasized means that I am now considered to be Stage 4. I will be starting on IV chemo-therapy tomorrow (Tuesday, May 24th) with a drug called Alimta. I will have an IV treatment every three weeks. And, after the 3rd treatment (i.e. in 9 weeks), I'll have a CT scan and find out whether the cancer is responding to Alimta.
The good news is that this cancer is VERY slow-growing. The good news is that this drug will NOT be as hard on me as the previous chemo-therapy drug which I had in April/May '10. The good news is that I am in much better shape than I was a year ago when I was also trying to recuperate from heavy-duty thoracic surgery. The good news is that there is every reason to believe that I will respond to this new drug.
Am still wrapping my head around all of this, as you can imagine. I intend to focus all of my energy on defeating this rotten Beast, cancer. More later. Wanted all of you who are waiting for news to know how today went. Love - me
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Postponement
FYI -- The test results are not back yet so my appointment for today has been postponed until Monday afternoon, May 23rd. My Oncologist sent one of the lung tissue samples to a specialized lab in Boston to do DNA/genome testing on the lung cancer cells. The results from that test will determine which drug(s) I will go on. So... a couple more days of waiting.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Lung Biopsy completed
Last Friday was one scarey day! We were at the hospital from 7AM until 3PM. The lung biopsy itself is painful; I'm not going to mince any words about THAT. Thank goodness for painkilling & mind-numbing drugs!! Were it not for the drugs, I'd have been in really serious pain.
A hollow needle was inserted on the left side of my back, about midway up. Then another needle was inserted into that with, I suppose, something like a tiny pickle grabber on its end in order to get a tissue sample. I was awake ("partial sedation") and had to hold my breath when they told me to. The nodule they were trying to get to was in between two ribs - tricky. I was on my stomach on the CT scan table the whole time, so I couldn't see much (probably a good thing in & of itself!). I was actually lucky because they'd told me ahead of time that it can take an hour or longer to get three "good" tissue samples. But it only took them 25 minutes.
After the test was over, I had to lie still - no moving, no eating, no drinking and no talking (<---Gordy loved that part!!) for two hours. They watched me closely to see whether my lung had collapsed. After 2 hours, I was taken for a chest X-Ray and, fortunately, my lung had not collapsed. Another hour or so & they let me go home with instructions to do nothing except take it easy all weekend long. For the past few days, I've felt like I'd been in a mean street fight!!! My back hurt and I could not take a deep breath. Ouch! Today is better. I suppose in another few days, I will be better still.
We meet with the Oncologist on Wed, May 18th. Once he's confirmed what type of cancer he suspects this is, I will, in all likelihood, start chemo-therapy the very next day. So, that's it for now. Will update you all later next week. love - me
A hollow needle was inserted on the left side of my back, about midway up. Then another needle was inserted into that with, I suppose, something like a tiny pickle grabber on its end in order to get a tissue sample. I was awake ("partial sedation") and had to hold my breath when they told me to. The nodule they were trying to get to was in between two ribs - tricky. I was on my stomach on the CT scan table the whole time, so I couldn't see much (probably a good thing in & of itself!). I was actually lucky because they'd told me ahead of time that it can take an hour or longer to get three "good" tissue samples. But it only took them 25 minutes.
After the test was over, I had to lie still - no moving, no eating, no drinking and no talking (<---Gordy loved that part!!) for two hours. They watched me closely to see whether my lung had collapsed. After 2 hours, I was taken for a chest X-Ray and, fortunately, my lung had not collapsed. Another hour or so & they let me go home with instructions to do nothing except take it easy all weekend long. For the past few days, I've felt like I'd been in a mean street fight!!! My back hurt and I could not take a deep breath. Ouch! Today is better. I suppose in another few days, I will be better still.
We meet with the Oncologist on Wed, May 18th. Once he's confirmed what type of cancer he suspects this is, I will, in all likelihood, start chemo-therapy the very next day. So, that's it for now. Will update you all later next week. love - me
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