I know it's been awhile since I updated my blog. It can be SO difficult for me to focus & concentrate. “Chemo brain” makes my attention span is like a 6 year old! Here's the latest news:
I had my 12th treatment on Tuesday. In some ways, that's hard for me to believe – that I've been able to put up with this since last May. I've mentioned the side effects (at least some of them; there are too many!). Since December, these have worsened and become more difficult for me to bear, particularly the Neuro-toxic ones. Last month, I discussed – in detail - the possibility of taking a break from chemo-therapy with my Oncologist. I went alone to that appointment because, well, I just didn't want to upset Gordy and, ultimately, it is my decision. My Dr. was open with me (as he always is) and gave me enough to chew on for the past month. I've bounced back & forth a thousand times over it. Can't tell you how many nights and mornings I've laid in bed thinking about it.
At this week's appointment (with Gordy this time), I brought my “list” of questions, and we discussed them all. Dr. Schneider he thinks a break is a good idea because I've had such pain-in-the-ass (his words!) side effects that it's affecting my quality of life (which it IS). SO, I've decided: no chemo-therapy for awhile. I am excited AND scared spit-less. I'll have a CT scan on March 26th, go for blood work on the 30th, then meet with him on Apr 2nd for the CT results, which will be my "baseline". Depending on the CT & blood results, we'll do a CT in 3 months and re-assess again at that time.
He said if all goes well, this break might last for "more than 6 months, but we have to keep it in check". Obviously, I have to hang loose on all this because anything can change - cancer is a changeling Beast! I know this break is taking a risk, but I have to do it.
So, no more steroids -- I'll be saving a small fortune on stool softeners (ha-a-a-a-a!). When the fatigue starts to let up, I would like to start walking in the neighborhood. I feel like a Weeble!! It's going to take me a l-o-n-g time to build up my stamina because fatigue has worn me down over the past 2+ years. I'm hoping my energy will improve by mid-April but who knows? A day at a time.
I am (and have always been) one of those over-the-top, 150% -types. So, my other problem will be to rein in my enthusiasm as (hopefully) my energy comes back I don't want to be a racehorse who jumps the gate, runs 3 feet, then falls over, though I suspect that's EXACTLY what I'll do as soon as I have an even slightly “pumped-up” day! Why would I change after all these years?!
The unknown is, of course, my greatest fear, as it would be for you in the same circumstances. I am so incredibly lucky and BLESSED in so many ways. My excitement is greater than my fear, so we shall see what comes down the pike. I am still here – battle-worn, yes, but still here! love - me
I'm so glad you shared this, Correne. I can't imagine the pain, of the side effects, that you have to live with. I hope your decision works out well for you. You need to have some relief and enjoyment in your life. I can understand the fact that you haven't posted an update, lately, but you're always in my Thoughts and Prayers. Not a day goes by that I'm not thinking of you, at some point, during the day. You are so brave to go through all of this, I don't know if I could do it. You're an inspiration to all of us who love you. Take care, Correne, and build up your strength so you can enjoy the up-coming Spring weather. Love you, Ellie
ReplyDeleteI think if I were you I would have made the same choice. Love you-Pam
ReplyDeleteHi Sista Love, You are always on my mind and in my prayers. I can't believe all you've been through and still with the jokes and positivity...I don't know if I could've done or do what you have done...You deserve a break and God willing your tests in April will be as positive as you have been. You are such a brave heroic woman and I can surely tell you I would not have been able to endure (with the grace you have )with what you have gone through.(I hope you understand that, cuz I'm not sure if it came out the way I meant it!) LOL.. I haven't told anyone but in November I was told I had high protien in my blood. I was sent to an onocologist who diagnosed me with multiple myelenoma...At the moment the protien is low enough not to be very alarmed but for 3-4 weeks Mike and I were scared to death before knowing what the outcome of all the bone exrays, 24 hr. pee test would show.. Thank the Good Lord it has not effected the bones or kidneys..but I now have to be tested every 3 months, Blood work that is, and a trip to the onocolgist. He said the levels could stay the way they are for 20 years or they could flare up tomorrow... If it flares up I will have to go thru the bone marrow routine and so forth then chemo and/or radiation. It's more or less a wait and see what and when it happens game and then go from there. He said it usually happens to pple between 60-70 yrs of age. LOL, the lottery I have no chance of winning but let me turn 60-61 and wow lets give her the myelenoma scare...Oh well, that's life I guess. All kidding aside though, it's not an ailment that is cureable, just treatable if the numbers get worse. So my hope and prayers are that it lies dormant till the cows come home...so that's why I'll never buy a cow...lol!
ReplyDeleteI get tired and have aches and pains like everyone else but hell that's nothing compared to what you have been and are going through...I also pray that you will get to come home this spring or summer so we can get together....You'll always have a place to stay here with us, just give a shout and yours and Gordy's room will be ready when you get here....
I 'd better sign off for now you're probably exhausted reading all this blubbering...Remember..I am always here for you and always keeping you in my heart and prayers...I can only aspire to be half the woman you are... You truly are an inspiration...
Love and prayers to you and Gordy,
Liz.......