I told you, when I began this journey, that I would be keeping this real, so I am. The past 3 months have been very difficult. Right after the first of the year, I developed bacterial pneumonia so was on mega-doses of antibiotics. The side effects from radiation treatments I'd had in mid-December kicked in (mainly fatigue).

The issue which has been up in the air since Thanksgiving was the chemo drug my doc & I were considering for me. I've had plenty of time to consider everything; and I did a lot of research into the drug.. My tumors are growing – not fast – but still growing. It is a huge decision, I have done a flip-flop every single day for weeks and weeks. What's important to me is the quality of my life. The side effects from the chemo drug would have only made my life more difficult After discussing it with my oncologist, I'm comfortable with my decision. Wish I didn't have to make the decision at all? You betcha, but that's not how life works.

After all these years of trying to lose weight, I finally found a weight loss solution. Problem is, it's fatal. Can you believe it?! I've lost about 20 pounds over the past couple of months. My pants are actually loose on me. NutraSystem has nothing on me!

Thank goodness I have good health coverage. Last week, I enrolled in a Palliative Care/Home Health Aide program. They brought in a hospital bed for me. I have to say, it really is nice not fighting my old bed, trying to get a comfortable position was so difficult to do and I don't think I was sleeping very well because of that. A nurse from the team calls throughout the week and comes over once a week, plus we can call them 24/7 and they respond immediately.

Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I am not dead. I have to admit, it is a strange feeling to think of suddenly just “not being”, but that's how it works, and I certainly cannot change the rules!

Being a caregiver is difficult for Gordy. He gets stressed out easily. I think he's worried that something is going to happen “on his watch” and I keep telling him, it's not “your” watch, Gordy, it's God's. Still, he's doing his best, which is far better than most!

I do ask: do not send me Emails. I'm overwhelmed and cannot keep up. But I would love to get a card or a note or a short letter from you. My friends have been wonderful. I can't even begin to find the words to thank them!! You know I love you; it's all I really have to give. So I'm sending it back to you. Love - me (You haven't heard the last from me)