We met with the Oncologist today.

The cancer metastasized (via the bloodstream) from my right lung to my lower left lung lobe, which, of course, we already knew. I have a small cancer nodule in a lymph node just above & behind my right clavicle (shoulder). Unfortunately, the fact that the cancer has metastasized means that I am now considered to be Stage 4. I will be starting on IV chemo-therapy tomorrow (Tuesday, May 24^th) with a drug called Alimta. I will have an IV treatment every three weeks. And, after the 3^rd treatment (i.e. in 9 weeks), I'll have a CT scan and find out whether the cancer is responding to Alimta.

The good news is that this cancer is VERY slow-growing. The good news is that this drug will NOT be as hard on me as the previous chemo-therapy drug which I had in April/May '10. The good news is that I am in much better shape than I was a year ago when I was also trying to recuperate from heavy-duty thoracic surgery. The good news is that there is every reason to believe that I will respond to this new drug.

Am still wrapping my head around all of this, as you can imagine. I intend to focus all of my energy on defeating this rotten Beast, cancer. More later. Wanted all of you who are waiting for news to know how today went. Love - me

Postponement

FYI -- The test results are not back yet so my appointment for today has been postponed until Monday afternoon, May 23rd. My Oncologist sent one of the lung tissue samples to a specialized lab in Boston to do DNA/genome testing on the lung cancer cells. The results from that test will determine which drug(s) I will go on. So... a couple more days of waiting.

Lung Biopsy completed

Last Friday was one scarey day! We were at the hospital from 7AM until 3PM. The lung biopsy itself is painful; I'm not going to mince any words about THAT. Thank goodness for painkilling & mind-numbing drugs!! Were it not for the drugs, I'd have been in really serious pain.

A hollow needle was inserted on the left side of my back, about midway up. Then another needle was inserted into that with, I suppose, something like a tiny pickle grabber on its end in order to get a tissue sample. I was awake ("partial sedation") and had to hold my breath when they told me to. The nodule they were trying to get to was in between two ribs - tricky. I was on my stomach on the CT scan table the whole time, so I couldn't see much (probably a good thing in & of itself!). I was actually lucky because they'd told me ahead of time that it can take an hour or longer to get three "good" tissue samples. But it only took them 25 minutes.

After the test was over, I had to lie still - no moving, no eating, no drinking and no talking (<---Gordy loved that part!!) for two hours. They watched me closely to see whether my lung had collapsed. After 2 hours, I was taken for a chest X-Ray and, fortunately, my lung had not collapsed. Another hour or so & they let me go home with instructions to do nothing except take it easy all weekend long. For the past few days, I've felt like I'd been in a mean street fight!!! My back hurt and I could not take a deep breath. Ouch! Today is better. I suppose in another few days, I will be better still.

We meet with the Oncologist on Wed, May 18th. Once he's confirmed what type of cancer he suspects this is, I will, in all likelihood, start chemo-therapy the very next day. So, that's it for now. Will update you all later next week. love - me

A May Day

May 3, 2011:
Gordy went with me (of course!) to the Oncologist yesterday. He tries to be upbeat & positive (for my sake) but is also a bit in denial. I think he's right in between there somewhere. God bless him, he's been wonderful!! He's so much like my Dad.

The largest of the 3 nodules in my upper right lung is growing at the rate of about 1 mm to 1.3 mm per month. It is now 1.5 cm by 1.6 cm (from the previous 1.3 cm by 1.3 cm @ the end of Feb) . He said he suspects that this is Bronchial Alveolar cancer because of its characteristics ("shotgun" - i. e. several small nodules) versus Adenocarcinoma had been in my right lung lobe (i.e. one large tumor). The CT scan found that I have a spot on a lymph node in my neck (a new development) which is about 1 cm in size (small pea); Dr. Schneider could not feel it when he did a physical check today.

He said if I wanted to wait another 2 or 3 months before we do another CT scan, he'd be OK with that (since the growth is so slow) . But he said he'd also be OK with doing a biopsy now (since the largest nodule is big enough to be able to biopsy). In his judgement, he thinks it will continue to grow slowly, but that there's always a chance it could simply take off & grow faster. So, he let me make the call.

I decided to have the biopsy now & not wait another 2 or 3 months. Why wait & take a chance? I'm scheduled for it on Friday morning @ Regions Hosp at 7:15. It will be a bit trickier & much more time consuming to do the biopsy time around because I have only one lung and if it should collapse as a result of the procedure, they'd have to put in a chest tube for me to breathe & admit me to the hospital. I have to go in on Wed for some bloodwork.

I know this all sounds terrifying, but over the past year & a half, I'm becoming alot more zen-like about it all. It is what it is and I can't change any of it by stressing out over it, so I really do have to "let go & let God", as the saying goes! That's about it for now. Will post more later. Love - me

Spring has sprung!!

I'm going to give a complete & total update on what's been happening with me. No holds barred! Here goes.

The past few months, my energy has definitely gotten better. I'm not fatigued all of the time, as I was last summer & fall. I look “normal” again. But I am definitely not “normal”. (OK, OK, I admit, I've never really been normal!) Over the past 2 – 3 months, I've begun to learn my limitations. My entire life, I've gone at EVERYTHING with 110%; that's how I am. But I can't go at it like that anymore; I don't have the lung capacity. Mentally, it's been very difficult to wrap my head around this. I honestly thought I could simply push through it. So, I pushed myself (physically), and quickly found out that simple WANTING it to be so will not make it so. Yes, I know I'm 60 and nothing is as easy as it was when I was 50.

Chemo-therapy has taken a toll. It takes a very long time (I'm told several years) for the drugs to work out of my system. I'm going to tell you the truth about side effects. If you've never been through it, you would have NO idea.

I get small sores in my mouth (like canker sores) which come & go – some are big (the size of a pencil eraser); some are small (the size of pinhead). My mouth is dry and my gums are receding. I have a constant “funny” taste in my mouth which never goes away. My eyesight has definitely gotten worse, particularly my left eye. I've had Tinnitus (ringing in the ears) for many years (the result, I'm sure, from attending REALLY loud concerts back in the late 60's & 70's); it's gotten worse. I have low-grade headaches and sore throats which come and go. My immunity has been compromised; I get infections & colds easily. I was never one to carry around hand sanitizers; I simply washed my hands often. I now carry a bottle of hand sanitizer when I leave the house, and use it often. I've always had an iron stomach. But now, certain foods tear me up. One of these is (you're not gonna believe this!) lettuce. Yeah, lettuce! And I love salads. I still eat lettuce, but it's tough to digest.

But the side effect which bothers me most is “Chemo brain”. My ability to focus is NOT good. I love to read, but can't stay with a book more than 10 or 15 minutes before I have to put it down. My mind wanders easily. My short-term memory has been impacted. Yes, yes, I know I'm 60 and we all have memory issues to one degree or another. I had those “normal” memory problems before I was diagnosed. By that, I mean, going into another room and by the time I got there, forgetting why or what it was I went in there to do/to get – that is “normal”. Chemo brain is meaner than that. By the time I START to stand up, I've forgotten – just like that – poof! I stand up completely and then, well, just stand there, feeling lost; I remember nothing – not even a sliver of a thought that I could trace back. When a thought pops into my head (“I need to tell Gordy – fill-in-the-blank,” or “I have to do blah-blah”), I have to write it down or say it IMMEDIATELY or – poof! - it's gone – like smoke. I hate it!! Makes me feel stupid – hate feelin' stupid. I have a notepad & pencil sitting next to me on the couch to jot things down, which helps somewhat. But far too often, by the time I reach for the pencil – poof! - I've forgotten. Gordy tries not to interrupt or change the subject/distract me when I talk or - POOF! - my thought is gone. There are other side effects, but I won't bemoan the point! Suffice it to say I laugh at myself a lot more than I used to!

And DESPITE these side effects, I've been incredibly lucky because it could have been SO much worse. For example, one of the side effects could have been Neuropathy in the feet, legs, arms, hands (tingling and/or pain). Fortunately, I don't have Neuropathy.

Oh-h-h-h, and s-e-x.....should I go there?! What the hell, why not?! I used to be a “rabbit”. Since I began chemo in Dec '09, I'm a “camel”. I don't think I need to explain that to you, now do I?!! Chemo, radiation, surgery – all of those changed me. I'm trying to get my head back into it but for the longest time, it simply didn't matter to me. (I can just hear a guy who may be reading this thinking to himself “Huh? You gotta be kiddin' me. Not interested in sex – I'd rather be dead.”) If anyone knows of a Viagra for women, lemme know, will ya?

I really wish the CT scan results had been better, but, once again, it could have been SO much worse, and for that, I'm so grateful. My next CT scan will be in 8 weeks (April 28^th), My Oncologist, God bless him, is staying right on top of it. Still, I have to wonder what is all this radiation doing to me? Won't even need a nightlight – I'll be glowing in the dark before too long!

The nodule has grown only very slightly since early December (3 mm) - VERY good news – a fast growing ANYTHING is bad. It bugs me no end that we can't biopsy the darned thing but it's just too small to biopsy at this point - about the size of a large green pea. And, for those of you who are wondering, it's very difficult to do a biopsy on such a small object in the lung (I asked about this, believe me!). With any other organ (liver, pancreas, etc), it would not be a moving target. The lung, however, is constantly moving and, since a person can only hold in a breath for just so long, it's not enough time for even the best doctor to move a scope to exactly the right spot in order to do a biopsy. My Oncologist cannot determine a specific drug therapy until he knows what TYPE of cancer it is. He can't know that without a biopsy. Honestly, if this isn't Catch-22, huh?! So, we wait.

No cancer has shown up in any other organs – again, EXCELLENT news. If you didn't know (and I didn't!), one of the most common places for lung cancer to metastasize is to the brain. It had been almost a year since I'd had an MRI done on my brain. A week before my March 8^th CT scan, I had an MRI done. Two great things to report: first, no cancer there and second, I HAVE a brain! Showed up right there in black and white!

Winter is FINALLY giving up the ghost around here. Temps are going up so that our huge snow piles are melting. This is good. I'm sick, sick, sick of winter. I want to get out and walk. Unfortunately, my days of “power walking” are over. But I can at least look forward to “power strolling” !

I AM STILL HERE!!

early Dec CT scan results

Sorry it's taken me so long to give you all an update on my last CT which was done on Dec 8th. To tell you the truth, it really rocked my world off its axis - I wasn't expecting to hear this from my Oncologist -am just getting my head wrapped around it and moving onward and upward in the past week.

I have three nodules in my left lung (remember: my right upper & middle lung lobes were removed last Feb). My Oncologist is unconcerned over the first 2 nodules. The third one, however, he "doesn't like the looks of it". Seems it grew from 7 x 8 mm to 10 x 10 mm since my last CT in late Sept. It's too small (about the size of a green pea) to do a biopsy. It can't be treated until we find out IF it's cancerous and (if it is) what kind of cancer it is. Catch-22, huh?! So, the only thing we can do is wait another 3 months & do another CT scan.

I'm not thrilled with all this, as you can imagine. I've researched into this and know that my treatment possibilities will be narrowed down to either chemo-therapy or possibly laser treatment IF, in fact, that third lung nodule turns out to be cancer. My next CT scan is scheduled for March 8th, which feels like a l-o-n-g way off at this point. On the PLUS side, my energy level is coming back almost to "normal", I have HAIR again, and I feel really good. There are alot of people worse off than I am right now. I will keep you posted on my next CT scan results.

Oh, one more thing: Gordy had rotator cuff surgery on Nov 30th and he's home recovering from that. He's doing great after 6 weeks, but thinks he should be much further along. Patience in his healing process is not his long suit, I'm afraid! Between the two of us, he's a bigger mess than I was!

'In Her Own Words'

October 6, 2010 Update
Just got the results from my 2nd followup CT scan from September 29th.  My lungs are clear (i.e. no wheezing, which is very good)!  The Oncologist said there are several nodes on my left lung.  These could be several things - not necessarily cancerous - but he wants to keep a close eye on them.  Otherwise it is great news!  The doc sez I will continue to improve over the next few months and get stronger!  Gordy & I are so thrilled.  I feel as though maybe I could start to look out a little bit further into the future.  My next CT scan is December 8th! 

Surgery Over - No Cancer. - Update Sept. 11 from Gordy & Nancee
Correne's surgery went well! No cancer! Removed ovaries. She is resting comfortably in recovery and should be home later today.

Ovarian Surgery - Friday, September 10th (her words)Friday is creeping up fast. I'm having what I hope will be same-day surgery to remove my ovaries. The only thing that would mess it up is if the tumor on my right ovary is cancerous. If that's the case, I'll be in the hospital for 3-4 days. Remember me in your prayers. I hope this will be an easy surgery but you never know.

Correne's sister will post an update on Correne's Facebook as soon as word is available. The update is expected Friday.
$10 Buck Two Launches - August 15Who - 420 people needed
How - Cheerleaders begin by reaching their circle, that circle reaches their circle and on and on
When - Begins now (August 15) and ends December
What - 420 people give $10 each, total raised $4200.
Why - $4200 plus the current total of $2800 equals $7,000 (Correne's 2010 medical deductible).

How Do I Help? Two ways:
Ask people. Be a contributor. (Almost everyone can offer $10)
Send your $10 to Correne's Bank or to Correne:

Correne's bank mailing address is:
US Bank
c/o Correne Crawford Mattson
4930 34th Avenue South
Minneapolis, Minnesota 55417
August 7th Update: Ovarian Cyst Results
Well, if it's not one thing, it's another! Just like Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say on SNL: It's always something.

In the past few weeks, I was diagnosed with a fairly common (so-they-tell-me) side effect from the radiation I underwent back in Dec/Jan. It's called Radiation Pneumonitis. To treat it, I'm on steriods (Zoom-zoom!) and expect any day now to be able to lift my car all by myself, as well as break a few baseball home run records (!).

But in my most recent CT scan, they found that a cyst on my right ovary had grown since last fall - not allot, but grown none the less. So, to be cautious & on the safe side, they want to remove the ovary. Fine by me, I'm certainly not using it!! Hm-m-m-m, I wonder whether they'll use melon baller as a surgical tool? Anyway, I will be scheduled for same-day-surgery on Sept. 10th. IF they find it's cancerous once they get in there (the surgeon doesn't think it will be, but you never know), then they'll have to do more extensive surgery and I could be in the hospital (Abbott Northwest) for a few days. What the heck, I hit my maximum out-of-pocket expenses for 2010 back in February, so might as well get it done.

You know, this isn't exactly the weight loss program I had in mind: Lose weight by removing one organ at a time!

I'm getting a little bit stronger each week that goes by, but I'm no where near where I want to be, of course. So that's it from me. Just wanted to keep you in the loop. Love - C
$10 Buck Two Coming Soon
Please stay tuned. This will be the most unique project ever. Stay tuned.

July 27 - Cough, Stuffy Noise, Lungs Irritated, Steriods
OK, I give up; I'm starting the steroids today. Obviously, 2 rounds of antibiotics did nothing to clear up the cough. In fact, it actually got worse. My Oncologist was right - this isn't pneumonia afterall - it's radiation-induced lung inflammation. SO, I'll likely be "zooming" for the month of August ! It's been about 9 hours since I took the steroid (Prednisone). My sinuses have almost completely cleared up and my cough is noticeably better. After another 29 days on steroids, I'm thinking I'll be lifting cars and breaking baseball homerun records, right??!!

July 22 - July 21st "Spots' are an Ovarian Cyst. Ultrasound Results
Had an ultrasound to check out the "spots". My Oncologist said that the radiologist "didn't like the results" of the ultrasound. It is an ovarian cyst and it's grown since last fall, (whch we knew), but apparently, it's also "changed". Next my Gynocologist will do further testing. Will have that appointment soon. Honest to God, I could use a break here.

July 14 - Results Of Follow Up Scan
Hey, hey, hey, Dr. is very pleased with my CT and blood lab results. No evidence of new cancer recurrence. A couple of spots he wants to keep an eye on. But he said at this point, there was nothing to indicate that I need to go through any treatment. He is sending me for an ultrasound next Wed., July 21st, to check out a possible ovarian cyst - considering my age (don't 'cha just hate it when they say that?!).

He also thinks there's a possibility that I don't have pneumonia at all. But instead have a radiation-induced lung inflammation. If my cough doesn't improve in a week, he wants to put me on steriods (which I HATE because they make me zoom, zoom, can't sleep at all. So, say a prayer that I get better quickly (to avoid the steroids).

EXCELLENT NEWS!!

July 6th Update from CorreneCorrene wrote that she had a follow up CAT SCAN today. The results will be available Wednesday, July 14th. Waiting is the hardest part. We'll give an update next week on the results.

DRUM ROLL...CHALLENGE MATCH RESULTS...$445 Matched To $890
$190 raised from former coworkers, anonymous donor leaves $150 and many wonderful gifts adding up to $445. We are now at 40% of our goal. Wow, so wonderful. Stay tuned for more to come.
Happy 4th of July Correne and to all who make this country a wonderful place to live.

CHALLENGE MATCHING FUNDS ENDS JUNE 30th
A Facebook challenge in going on. Send in anything you can postmarked by June 30th. Everything that comes in will be matched. You send in $20, Correne gets $40. You send in $50 Correne gets $100. We are getting there, let's have fun along the way.... See address to the right for her bank who will gladly deposit your gifts.. Thank you.

DONATION UPDATE!!
The new total including a very special donation who wishes to remain anonymous ---- drum roll - $1925

Just want to say that anonymous gifts are very special gestures of kindness and generosity. To the wonderful person, we wish to acknowledge your spirit and humanity. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. - Correne/Susan

Correne's Status UPDATE: June 14, 2010
Well folks, just about the time when I think I'm going to take a huge step forward, life has a way of jerking my chain.

As Memorial Weekend progressed, I was feeling progressively more aweful. On Sunday I realized something was definately wrong, so I went to Urgent Care. I was shocked when the nurse told me I had a temp of 101.6 and sent me the lab. The Dr. told me I had a kidney infection. He said, "People don't die from bladder infections, but the die everyday from kidney infections". Whoa, I was not prepared for that. I was loaded up with antibiotics and drink lots of water.

Fast forward to this week-I should have been feeling better-I finished the antibiotics on Tuesday. Instead, I was again feeling progressively worse. So once again I went back to my clinic only to find out my infection is still not gone. I was sent home with another round of antibiotics. Honestly, if it's not one thing it's another. Hopefully I will be feeling better this week so I can start walking and building UP my strength. I SO want to start back on the road of being 'normal' again. - Correne


May 27 Up Date - Her Words
On Monday, May 24th, I went for what I hope will be my last (EVER) Chemo treatment!!! The 'pattern' has been: 48 to 72 hours before I start to feel like crap (which lasts for about 10 days). Sure enough, today, I can feel the energy draining out of me. But, in about 1o days, I should start feeling better.

I'm scheduled for my first follow-up CT scan & results in mid-July (the last CT scan was in early Feb). We'll see whether the chemical/radiation/surgery treatments worked. My Oncologist (who, by the way I just love), is very encouraged. He says the fact that I tore my right shoulder rotator cuff back in mid-September may just have saved my life! If not for that, I likely would not have been diagnosed until too late.

I found a wonderful Cancer Support group which meets @ the closest hospital to us (how lucky not to have to drive 20+ miles!) which I went to for the first time this week. About a dozen people in the group, ranging from early 40s to early 70s - all different types of cancers - but everyone is either at the tail end of their treatment OR in the 0 to 5 year waiting period OR has survived for over 5 years. Can't even begin to tell you how TERRIFIC it is to be around people who know exactly what it's like (physically, emotionally & mentally) to have a cancer diagnosis. They understand. And I don't have to explain myself! I am so lucky to have found this & it's exactly what I need right now.

When I was diagnosed with lung cancer, my world shrank to a tiny microcoism that was 100% centered on tests, treatments and doctor appointments. This diagnosis took away any control I have had over my life, and I slowly want to take back control over my life again! I know I will never be the same person I was before. I still have to figure out a new 'normal' for my life. I still have to figure out who this new 'me' is. Everything is different to me now.

I know it's going to take me many months to completely recuperate from all of this, but I (hopefully) will have the time to get some answers. - Correne

May 14 News - In Her Words
Had been hoping that the lesser chemo treatment would result in less side effects. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Have been feeling awful for the past 7-10 days. Am doing my best to hang in there, but time seems to slow down when you feel lousy! Keep reminding my self that the turtle, not the hare, wins the "race"!

May 7 Update
Correne started another round of chemo and completed the second round Monday, May 3rd. It has been really hard on her and she said it has 'really kicked my butt'. She said, 'I'll go back for my second IV chemo treatment. Gotta tell ya: Gordy is going to have to take me kickin' & screamin'. I really don't want to go thru this again. I know I have to, but I definately don't want to. This has been two weeks of hell. Thank your lucky stars you're healthy'.

Update on Offerings
To date we have received $800!! Thank you all. Our goal is $7,000. Studies have proven that giving away money enhances our sense of well being. If everyone who reads this sends $10 we would be 1/2 way to our goal in one week!! Please consider making a small offering and ask your friends to do so too, thank you.

March 30 '10 - Almost 6 Weeks Since Surgery
The original plan was to remove the upper right lung lobe and two lymph nodes. That's what happened, except the surgeon removed the middle lung lobe because of scar tissue damage from the radiation I'd had, plus two more lymph nodes that he didn't like the looks of. The pathology report showed the two lymph nodes were positive for cancer. But the biggest surprise was that there was a second completely different type of lung cancer in my right lung lobe which was in the very beginning stages and which had not shown up on the last CT scan!! Thank God I opted to have the surgery.

This has been a very painful recovery. I know the surgeon said it was going to be. But actually living through it was another thing entirely. There are some things I hadn't expected. For example, I cry very, VERY easily - just about anything brings me to tears. It's difficult to sleep because moving around in bed is a problem (sleep deprivation). My concentration has been really bad. My sense of "aloneness" is very strong; I'm constantly fighting off depression. The pain medications make constipation an ongoing issue. Just a few of the joys no one told me about.

On April 12th, I will start the last round of chemo (Taxotere). A two-hour IV session once a week for three weeks. What little hair I have will again fall out and other side effects will kick in again. But this will, hopefully, catch the last of any stray cancer cells & clusters which may be floating through my body.

I can't wait for this to be done with so that I can begin to be "normal" again. It may be a new "normal", but I have to re-start somewhere.

March 16, '10-by Sue
Correne's two sisters are with Correne for some well deserved sister time. Spoke to Correne and she is still slowly recovering. She's been out for some short walks but is not up to much more than that. She continues to slowly improve. Meds, pain management, sleeplessness and fatigue are still consuming. She enjoys calls mostly between 4-7pm Minnesota time. If you need more information, please post questions here.

March 3, '10-by Sue
Correne was released from the hospital Thursday, Feb 25. She is doing well at home. If you would like to send her a card her home address is:
5315 28th Avenue So.
Minneapolis, MN 55417

Feb. 22, '10 - By Sue
Correne is resting well after surgery. She is in ICU and has been up talking with family a few friends. She sounds good and tires easily. She has been sitting and walking around the room. Looking forward to her arrival back home soon.

Feb. 19 '10 - From Sue
You can send flowers or a card to Correne at:
Regions Hospital
640 Jackson Street
St. Paul MN 55101
Flowers from the hospital shot (they do a good job a great $) call 651-254-3325

"This Is It" - Feb. 16 '10
Well, "This is it, (<----------not very original, am I?!! I borrowed this from Michael Jackson's tour!)

I'm going in for surgery first thing Wednesday morning. As of right now, please don't forward anything to me until you hear from me again. It's probably going to be quite a while before I get back into the computer again, and I don't want to have a massive stroke when I finally do get back on by having 1692 email messages waiting for me!

I'm nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof; this surgery is heavy duty and I'll be in the hospital (Regions Hospital, St Paul, MN) for at least 7-10 days.

Thanks for your prayers. I'm a firm believer that they make all the difference! Love, Correne


Starting a New String There's Good News - Feb. 4, '10
Met with Radiology Oncologist today to review CAT SCAN results following therapies. Two tumors in my upper right lung lobe have shrunk - not allot, but they have shrunk - and no new tumors have appeared. The two lung lymph node tumors have also shrunk. This is great news going into surgery, which is still set for February 17th at Region's Hospital in St. Paul. Gordy & I are so pleased!!!!

~~~~><~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~><~~~~ First Day Treatment Session - November 30, '09
I had my first very FULL day of radiation (20 minutes) at Regions Hospital in St. Paul followed by IV Chemo (6 hours) @ HP in Minneapolis. I hardly slept last night; I was so scared - fear of the unknown. Of course, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And this evening, when I thought I'd get through the whole day feeling just fine, I have a headache & nausea. It could be worse. In fact, in the coming days, it probably will be worse, but I made it through the first day. I can do this!

Thursday, December 3, '09
Gosh, I'm having a hard time keeping track of days. Went for treatment sessions #4 today. I mentioned to the radiation tech tat I have a "heavy" feeling in the middle of my chest. She told the doc, who insisted that I be taken to the ER (in a wheelchair, to boot!) to get checked out. Heart monitor, EKG - my heart is fine, but I now have to take Maalox each night (acid reflux - a side effect). Not so bad. But getting into & out of the ER is a real time-eater and I still hadn't been for my 3 hour chemo session yet. Turned out to be a very LONG day. I'm pooped! To bed early tonight.

My Birthday, Monday Dec. 7th
I'm 59 today. I got exactly what I asked for-a 5 hour IV chemo session and a blast of radiation so I can glow like an LED bulb. Oooooo-wee!! The doc says in a couple of days if anyone is sniffling around me, I am to hobble as fast as my crutches will take me in the other direction because my resistance is going to go downhill fairly quickly. When we were at Urgent Care on Sat. to take care of my knee, the doctor was going to give me a knee stabilizer, but Gordy said, "Nah, I have one she can use". (You know - save a buck & all that). He digs this out of WAY in the back of his closet. The darned thing is probably 20 years old, the glue & foam was so old that it had started to disintegrate and turn to red powder! When I went in today for my chemo session, the doctor took one look at this contraption on my right leg and said, "Where the heck did you find that thing, in a museum?" He immediately ordered me up a new knee stabilizer. My knee IS stabilized today and I'm not spitting little puffs of red powder anymore!

A Down Day - Dec 9th
Went to have my knee looked at today - confirms what I already know-I really screwed up my knee pretty bad. I need to see a knee specialist to see what he has to say and what (if anything at this point) can be done about it. Because I'm on so much already, I've been reluctant to take the pain meds they gave me on Saturday. But today, I couldn't take it anymore and admitted my knee REALLY hurts so yes I'm taking pain meds. My GP is helping me deal with the heartburn - we're cutting back on other regular meds (i.e. non-cancer stuff) that could possibly be contributing to the heartburn. I know things will look better in the morning, but right now, I'm bummed out!

Week Two (Dec 11th)
I've now completed 10 radiation sessions; chemo sessions are done for the time being, but will resume the Monday after Christmas. No hair loss (so far), but it's just a matter of time. I'm thinking a pale hairless look might be good for me. Mullot, shag, etc., - but this is one I've never tried before.

This has been a particularly rough week because of being on crutches (I fell getting up for the umteenth time to pee in the middle of the night). (Doctors orders - increase my water drinking, allot). On crutches, wearing a knee stabilizer and not being able to drive, so no freedom/independence made for a rough week. On the plus side, the weather up here in MN has been major YUCK all week, so no reason to go out gallivanting around anyway! Am going to change over from coffee to tea tomorrow (sniff, sniff) in hopes that this will help my heartburn, but I do NOT have to like it!!!!!

UPDATE (Dec 28 - 31)
Thought you'd like to know what's been happening with me these past few weeks. So, here goes: My encologist has me scheduled for 25 chemotherapy treatments and today was #22. Treatments end (for now) on Tuesday, January 5th. This round of treatments has been more brutal - nausea, very bad sleeping (3-4 hrs a night), very strong smells. Sorry to be graphic, but my sweat, tears, pee all smell like a chemical waste dump. I can't stand the smell of myself! But this is the reality of cancer treatments. I have no energy whatsoever, am tired constantly, then can't sleep at night (steriods will do that). I'm scheduled for surgery February 3rd. They will be running new scans about a week prior to surgery to see if the 'beast' is responding.

I'm also sick to death of getting 'EOBs' in the mail (<---that's explanation of benefit statements) from my insurance company. The costs are incredible. Just to let you, I really AM laughing as I write this: ain't it just my damn luck that I got diagnosed so late in the year?!! My out-of-pocket costs for 2009 have been completely eaten up in less than 2 months. And now with 1-1-10 just up, we'll have 2010's out-of-pocket costs to deal with. The luck of the Irish I haven't got!

I can tell you this though: If I come out on the other side of this, then before the end of 2010 I'm going to get EVERYTHING worked on: my right shoulder rotator cuff, my right knee and everything else that needs to be done because I will have hit my deductible for the entire year in the first month of 2010 (course that doesn't mean I'll have paid it all off - hell, I haven't even made a dent in the 2009 out-of-pocket charges I've received so far).

But I'm still here, and I'm still UP, and I'm still fighting. My motto remains: "KILL THE BEAST!"

Phase I is Over (Update 1/5/10)
Phase I is over. I completed my last radiation and chemo sessions today! Now we wait til the end of Jan. when scans/tests are run. I am SO tired I could sleep standing up with my eyes open. Surgery is postponed until later in the Feb. to allow time for radiation and chemo to do their job. For the next few weeks I'm going to try to be 'normal' whatever THAT is. In the meantime: z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z.

Bad Week of Side Affects (Update 1/7/10)
This past Monday was my last chemo session; Tuesday was the last radiation session. Since then (good grief, that was only 2 days ago?!), the side effects have been bad.

Everything I eat & drink (yes, even water) feels like a 4-sided rasp going down - starting at the back of my throat to the middle of my chest. The fatigue is absolutely overwhelming. My bones are tired! I have to continue drinking water to stay flushed out, so getting up in the middle of the night prevents me from getting continuous sleep. But the heartburn/rasping keeps me up anyway. I'm still waiting for the steriods (from Monday) to work their way out of my system so that I can sleep. I'm hopeful by this weekened, I will be able to get a decent sleep. At the moment, I feel like I aged 20 years in a week.

It is amazing how intuitive my dog & two cats have been around me. The worse I feel, the more they cling to me - sitting on my lap, sleeping at my feet, following me around the house. In so many ways, this is the most lonesome journey I've ever taken. With the critters, I don't have to explain anything - they just know. I WILL get through this.

One Month Away From Surgery (Jan 15)
It's been 10 days since I completed the last of radiation and chemo. My surgery is scheduled for February 17th at Regions Hospital in St. Paul. I will have various scans done the first week of February to see how 'The Beast' has responded to the treatments.

This week has been SO much better than last week! My energy level is improving; I'm sleeping better; I feel more like my old self! I got sick of the thin hair I had left, which felt like straw and was mostly gray hair (doesn't it figure the gray hair would be unwilling to give up the ghost?!). SO, Gordy & I shaved my head! I am a cue ball! Showers aren't so time consuming and I'll save money on shampoo and haircuts! Life is good!

Update - Offerings
We have received several offerings toward medical expenses and would like to say how very much we appreciate your generosity. We are forever thankful dear friends.

Waiting (Jan 22)
It will be almost 2 more weeks before scans are done to see how "The Beast" has responded to treatment. I hate waiting, but there's nothing to be done about it. This has been a quiet week. I haven't felt great, but haven't felt awful either - somewhere in between.

Now that radiation & chemo are over, I've had more time to think about the upcoming surgery. It is very heavy duty & serious. I'm scared. We meet with the Thoracic Surgeon on Feb 9th. I just want everything to be over with so I can have my life back.

I have sympathy for guys with 'five o'clock shadow'. I now have it too, but it's on my head! Hair is sprouting which is good. But, now I can really see how much gray hair I have. As my nephew, Ryan (14) says: "It sucketh"!!!!!