I know it's been awhile since I updated my blog. It can be SO difficult for me to focus & concentrate. “Chemo brain” makes my attention span is like a 6 year old! Here's the latest news:
I had my 12th treatment on Tuesday. In some ways, that's hard for me to believe – that I've been able to put up with this since last May. I've mentioned the side effects (at least some of them; there are too many!). Since December, these have worsened and become more difficult for me to bear, particularly the Neuro-toxic ones. Last month, I discussed – in detail - the possibility of taking a break from chemo-therapy with my Oncologist. I went alone to that appointment because, well, I just didn't want to upset Gordy and, ultimately, it is my decision. My Dr. was open with me (as he always is) and gave me enough to chew on for the past month. I've bounced back & forth a thousand times over it. Can't tell you how many nights and mornings I've laid in bed thinking about it.
At this week's appointment (with Gordy this time), I brought my “list” of questions, and we discussed them all. Dr. Schneider he thinks a break is a good idea because I've had such pain-in-the-ass (his words!) side effects that it's affecting my quality of life (which it IS). SO, I've decided: no chemo-therapy for awhile. I am excited AND scared spit-less. I'll have a CT scan on March 26th, go for blood work on the 30th, then meet with him on Apr 2nd for the CT results, which will be my "baseline". Depending on the CT & blood results, we'll do a CT in 3 months and re-assess again at that time.
He said if all goes well, this break might last for "more than 6 months, but we have to keep it in check". Obviously, I have to hang loose on all this because anything can change - cancer is a changeling Beast! I know this break is taking a risk, but I have to do it.
So, no more steroids -- I'll be saving a small fortune on stool softeners (ha-a-a-a-a!). When the fatigue starts to let up, I would like to start walking in the neighborhood. I feel like a Weeble!! It's going to take me a l-o-n-g time to build up my stamina because fatigue has worn me down over the past 2+ years. I'm hoping my energy will improve by mid-April but who knows? A day at a time.
I am (and have always been) one of those over-the-top, 150% -types. So, my other problem will be to rein in my enthusiasm as (hopefully) my energy comes back I don't want to be a racehorse who jumps the gate, runs 3 feet, then falls over, though I suspect that's EXACTLY what I'll do as soon as I have an even slightly “pumped-up” day! Why would I change after all these years?!
The unknown is, of course, my greatest fear, as it would be for you in the same circumstances. I am so incredibly lucky and BLESSED in so many ways. My excitement is greater than my fear, so we shall see what comes down the pike. I am still here – battle-worn, yes, but still here! love - me
