A Celebration of Life - August 10, 2013

Dear Friends,


A Celebration of Life for Correne Crawford Mattson will be Saturday, August 10th, 1 pm visitation, 2 pm service at Cremation Society of Minnesota - 7110 France Ave. So., Edina, MN 55435-phone 952-924-4100.  - Sue Hogan Girard

July 22, 2013

Dear Friends,

I am deeply saddened that Correne passed today, July 22, 2013 with Nancee and Gordy by her side holding her hands. She was an extraordinary friend, sister, wife, aunt, grandmother, with many relatives and friends who loved her dearly. Her heart was large enough for everyone. She took life on with courage and an unmatched passion. She will be greatly missed by many, many family members and her many friends. I have been blessed to know such a wonderful person as Correne.-Sincerely, Sue Hogan Girard.

This message above was placed on Correne's FB page at Nancee's request shortly after Correne passed.
I'd like to add that Correne's spirit will live on in my heart and so many others' for a very long time. She extended herself, her generosity, and her journey with everyone.  She cared for people who were also suffering from the same condition.  She volunteered her own time, all this within the last year or so, to those whose time left was much less than her own.  She wasn't really feeling well physically, like you and I would feel to include activity like this in our own lives, but she did it anyway.

How she loved her family was so clear and evident.  Her sisters, her extended family and her close friends, she loved so much, and so vocally.  Over and over I knew Correne's family was everything to her.  How can one person be a part of so many people's lives?  Correne could tell you, she would not let anything stop her from doing what she knew would make a difference.  I hope she knows how much she was admired and loved by literally hundreds of people.  I honor her spirit and gusto for life and will miss her for the rest of time. - Sue

An Update From Gordy

Dear Friends,
Gordy and Correne's dear friend Judy (who is visiting) both called me today with a request to share this with all of you.  Correne is mostly resting comfortably and is not mobile. She is now resting throughout the day and is speaking but very softly when she is awake.  Just last week I spoke to Correne. She was able to walk to her computer for a nice long visit she and I.  This week has seen a change in her abilities.

Judy arrived Monday, July 8th and visited with Correne last night for a while in her room as she lay in bed.  She and Correne talked for a while, reflecting and talking about friends and family.  Correne even showed some enthusiasm with Judy about getting up today (Tues).  Today Correne is not able to do so and Gordy and Judy are both right there with her.  Gordy's strength and sadness is a glimpse to his devoted love for Correne.  Both Judy and Gordy wanted me to send this out on their behalf as they know so many of you want to pray for Correne and know how she is doing.  If you wish to visit or contact Correne, Gordy expressed his desire for any of you who wish to speak to or visit Correne to please do so now.  Hospice came by Monday and will be visiting Correne regularly.  She is resting comfortably with no discomfort.

Last night Correne shared with Judy everyone's cards, letters and photos and spoke of so many of her friends and family.  Correne sends her love to you all. - Sue

Helping Correne with Her Post

July 6,2013 - Correne's Next Post
Correne composed an update to post here, but she was unable to complete the task.  Correne asked me to help her with a new post but I have not yet received it.  I hope this weekend will be an opportunity to update the blog.  Stay tuned...... Susan Hogan Girard

June 7, 2013

Once again, it's been too long since I updated this blog to let you know how I'm doing..

My sister, Micki, came from Kingston, NY from May 1^st thru the 11^th. It was so nice to spend time with her! I'd made a “to do” list of various things I wanted her to help me get done.

I was always a prolific cross-stitcher but can't do it anymore because my eyes simply aren't good enough. I had a big supply of threads, beautiful materials, buttons, etc, and I wanted to give this to friend, Shelley, also a big stitcher. I also love to do mosaics but can't anymore. Micki helped me sort through it all and my friends came by to take most of it away. I like knowing that someone else will use & enjoy my stuff.

What I was not prepared for was the emotional fall-out of giving away “stuff”. After Micki left, I would find myself crying (sobbing) for no reason at all, and wondering to myself, “What it going on ??”. It took a couple of days to realize I was “mourning” parts of my life that were gone or going away. While I know it's “normal”, it doesn't make it any easier to feel the feelings or to let go of it. There is no GPS for navigating the mental & emotional journey through Cancer (“The Beast”). I decided that these 'waves' of emotion are like ocean waves that come tumbling over me – no way of seeing them coming or avoiding them – I just haave to ride thruough each one. It sucks!

The Palliative Care Nurse is always asking me about my pain level. Pain – very subjective. I “inherited” my Mom's high pain tolerance, which is good, but I am so reluctant to use pain pills. As I've said before – I can tolerate 'uncomfotable', I can't tolerate 'unbearable'. So, for now, I use pain pills sparingly.

You have NO idea how frustrating it is when I see something that either I'd like to do OR needs to be done (like cobwebs on the ceiling) and I can't do it. Since I updated this blog last, fatigue has become a bigger issue. Plus falling and staying sleep has reared its ugly head again. I go to bed fairly early (usually by 9PM) and don't get up much before 10 AM. Some days, by the time I get up , take my pills, brush my teeth, etc, I'm ready to go right back to bed. I don't, of course, because I can hear my Mom in my head saying, “OK, that's enough. Come on: get up, get up, get up!”

OK, so my nephew, Ryan (17), (I adore that kid!) is coming on June 20^th thru July 3^rd from Georgia to spend time with me & Gordy. Can't wait to see him. He will be spending time with Gordy too – they love to go fishing. He's a good kid and loves his “Aunt Reenie”. I'm so grateful to my sister, Nancee, and bro-in-law, Jim, for letting him come up here.

The two lymph nodes in the front of my lower neck get irritated, which makes it hard for me to swallow and cough. Uncomfortable but bearable. There are other things going on with me – physically – but I hate to burden you with all that.

I can't even begin to tell my GHS friends how much your cards & notes have meant to me!!! It is so nice to be remembered and especially by people who know me so well and from way back when.

My world is shrinking. I don't get out much. This has been such a crappy spring and, so far, summer, has not made an appearance – I'm sure some of you are experiencing the same thing. To be able to sit in the side yard with the sun on my face would be great.

I think I'm rambling here. So I'll end for now. Please know that I love you!!

April 12, 2013

Another update – this time with better news. It's been 5 or 6 weeks since I got into the Palliative Care/Hospice program through my health insurance. The hospital bed they delivered to the house made a big difference for me. I am actually sleeping better – for 4 or 5 hours at a stretch. It's changed my energy level for the better (and, Gordy also can attest, my “crabbiness” level has improved immensely– ha!!). It is so nice to be able to adjust that bed . Sleep deprivation was obviously taking a toll on me since November.

Within the past few weeks, my energy level had improved. The next big thing is that the doc prescribed what I call “cough pills”. I was coughing so much (particularly at night) that it was triggering vomiting, and I quickly lost 20 pounds (which I mentioned in my last blog) – very bad for energy. But these pills have cut down on the coughing, hence, no vomiting, hence, I can eat and – wow – my energy level is better. It really is amazing to look in the mirror and realize how incredibly awful I felt and looked just a few weeks ago.

Don't get me wrong; this is no utopia, believe me. The lingering side effects from the chemo treatment I had last year, plus the brain radiation in December are no picnic. But, as I've said many times in this blog, it could be so much worse. Uncomfortable – I can deal with that. I just have to take each day as it comes. Some days are pretty good; some days can be yucky and I deal with it. Oh, did I mention that one of the radiation side effects is acne? Yes, at 62, I am back at puberty. Thank goodness for RX drugs to help zap zits! But still – pimples at 62 – egads!

When I last saw my Oncologist in mid Feb, I was in pretty bad shape. I usually come in with a list of questions. But on that visit, I was so wiped out and had little to ask and little to say. This week, I left him a message to call We had a long, l-o-n-g talk. One of the questions I had for him was oral chemo drug we'd discussed last year. When I'd had a lung biopsy a little over a year ago, my cancer cells were sent off to California for Genome/DNA testing. The point was to find out whether my particular cancer cells had certain “markers” or “mutations”. Unfortunately, my “markers” are turned off. As a result, the drug would have only a one in seven chance of affecting (slowing down) my cancer. Also, the side effects from this drug were, well, not good – lots of gastric-intestinal & esophageal problems. Do I really want to spend the time I have left being sick & vomiting for a one in seven chance for any or no results? I don't like the odds. No. Quality of life is more important to me.

The one question– really, the only question - I had for him: How much time do you think I have? He said, “Maybe a year”. Now I know you may think I'm nuts (ok, ok, so you already know I am!), but I was so glad to hear that. I really thought he was going to say “three or four months”. Even if he's off by a couple of months, it was better than I was expected.

My sister, Nancee, from Georgia came here for a week a couple of weeks ago, and my sister, Micki, from NY is coming for ten days on May 1^st. God, I adore my sisters! It's been great to spend time with them.

I have a “project” I'm just starting – will probably take me a long time – but it will help occupy myself – am going through all of my parents photo albums. Oh, and they took a lot of photos over the years. I may very well be sending some of you photos. It is going to be a trip down memory lane for me, that's certain!

I am so incredibly grateful to my high school friends all across the country who have been sending me cards and letters. Thank you for remembering me; thank you for writing to me; thank you for bringing back such wonderful memories!! I always knew my GHS were special – you've proved it to me! I will update this blog again soon. Love - me

I told you, when I began this journey, that I would be keeping this real, so I am. The past 3 months have been very difficult. Right after the first of the year, I developed bacterial pneumonia so was on mega-doses of antibiotics. The side effects from radiation treatments I'd had in mid-December kicked in (mainly fatigue).

The issue which has been up in the air since Thanksgiving was the chemo drug my doc & I were considering for me. I've had plenty of time to consider everything; and I did a lot of research into the drug.. My tumors are growing – not fast – but still growing. It is a huge decision, I have done a flip-flop every single day for weeks and weeks. What's important to me is the quality of my life. The side effects from the chemo drug would have only made my life more difficult After discussing it with my oncologist, I'm comfortable with my decision. Wish I didn't have to make the decision at all? You betcha, but that's not how life works.

After all these years of trying to lose weight, I finally found a weight loss solution. Problem is, it's fatal. Can you believe it?! I've lost about 20 pounds over the past couple of months. My pants are actually loose on me. NutraSystem has nothing on me!

Thank goodness I have good health coverage. Last week, I enrolled in a Palliative Care/Home Health Aide program. They brought in a hospital bed for me. I have to say, it really is nice not fighting my old bed, trying to get a comfortable position was so difficult to do and I don't think I was sleeping very well because of that. A nurse from the team calls throughout the week and comes over once a week, plus we can call them 24/7 and they respond immediately.

Don't you dare feel sorry for me. I am not dead. I have to admit, it is a strange feeling to think of suddenly just “not being”, but that's how it works, and I certainly cannot change the rules!

Being a caregiver is difficult for Gordy. He gets stressed out easily. I think he's worried that something is going to happen “on his watch” and I keep telling him, it's not “your” watch, Gordy, it's God's. Still, he's doing his best, which is far better than most!

I do ask: do not send me Emails. I'm overwhelmed and cannot keep up. But I would love to get a card or a note or a short letter from you. My friends have been wonderful. I can't even begin to find the words to thank them!! You know I love you; it's all I really have to give. So I'm sending it back to you. Love - me (You haven't heard the last from me)